I'm not a widow.

I'm not a widow. I never married. I refused several requests early on in our relationship.  Like an asshole. I call myself a widow though. A wife, then a widow, in spirit alone. Nothing to document this. No papers, no rings, no children. But here I am, alone with the weight of 12 years of us. It became us versus the world at one point. A ridiculously boring version of Bonnie and Clyde. I'd love to say not boring to us, but that would be untrue, but mostly it was still okay being boring. Domesticated bliss = boredom. A friend dubbed me "The Widow Schonberger" which is equal parts badass and horrifying. The name, in itself, is both a lie and the truth. It's perfectly fitting of me.