Update: I had to say goodbye to Marlon today. It was awful. He lived for bedtime and rubbing his nose on me...
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Marlon Brando probably dies in the end
Marlon Brando. Sweetest cat ever. He's probably got diabetes. Which I can't commit to treating. This sucks. I've had him for a million years,.. We thought he was going to die as a kitten.. his leg expanded like crazy, and it was nothing... I'm not sure what to do or what to think. He's probably got cat diabetes, and I can't commit to caring for him, because I'm the worst... Which means I have to put him to sleep...
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
How are you?
I can't take credit for this; it was posted by a widow in an online support group I'm in (for those of you concerned with plagiarism; sharing was okayed...):
How are you?
Today I am here to tell you a secret. Never ask a widow “How are you?” And if you wonder the reason, let the sage of my anguish and grieving tell you why. A widow does not think in the same language as she once may have. Her self has taken leave and been replaced by a powerful being. A widow is suddenly a being of introspection. A widow is not busy and so the ways of the world do not distract her, nor will she care to describe them to you.
A widow is not given to tidying up the truth. A widow is the truth manifest.
I became very good at protecting all who would ask.
How are you?
I’m all right. I’m fine. I’m hanging in there. I’m feeling O.K. Thanks for asking. I’m good. I’m doing well. I’m a little tired. I’m handling things. I’m fine, thanks to all of you. I’m getting better. I’m keeping busy. I’m making progress.
Fine, better, well, good and “thank you for asking.”
If you have told these lies, which I am sure you have, over and over and over again, I know you.
And if you have heard these lies, and nodded with humble approval,
and felt set-free by the relief they have given you, I know you too.
Rest assured when you are tucking yourselves in at night,
that she is lying awake,
and you cannot hear her answers.
How are you?
I don’t know. I am numb. I am filled with terror. I am a shadow now. I am lost. I am aching. I am nothing. I am, at this moment, no longer your daughter, your mother, your sister, your friend. I am no longer a lover.
How are you?
Please step back, you are standing on my guts which have just spilled onto the floor at my feet.
How are you?
I’m terrible. I’m not doing well. I think I’m going crazy. I have no desires. I can’t see, hear, taste or touch. I have no feelings. I am torn apart. I can’t breathe. I am standing still while a tornado is ripping through my body tearing my blood vessels away from my organs.
How are you?
I am old. I am ugly. I am a monster inside a body that you once knew. I am exhausted.
How are you?
I am alone. I am afraid. I am filled with doubt. I am consumed by chaos. I am paralyzed.
I am humbled. I am repentant. I am living in a nightmare. Please shake me. Please wake me. Please hold me.
How are you?
I see you have two heads. I wish you really cared.
If I tell you, will you run?
How do you think I am? Please, take a crack at it.
You tell me how I am.
Can you believe you just ran into me? If only you had gone to the other market.
If I tell you, what will you say? Will it be sympathetic? Will it be appropriate? Will it make it better?
Here come those slings and arrows.
I know how you feel. I hope you’re keeping busy. You look good. You will see the gift in this tragedy. Time will heal. The holidays will be tough. It will get easier. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well. You’re a strong person. Have you gone away at all? How are the kids? How’s his mother doing? Call me if you need anything, anything at all.
How are you?
I’m shattered, thanks, how are you?
I walk aimlessly through the rooms of my house, what have you been up to?
I have woken up in the middle of the last 240 nights in a heart pounding sweat, what’s new with you?
I sometimes wish I would never wake up, have you been on vacation this year? I ache for the arms of my sweetheart to hold me tight, how’s your family?
I feel barren and useless and creepy and mundane, seen any good movies lately?
I’m terrified that I’ll feel this way forever, I like that sweater you’re wearing. I keep seeing his body on the hospital gurney, don’t you love this weather.
My broken heart is in my throat, let’s do lunch.
I’m so completely and utterly tired of being sad, thanks,
how are YOU ?
How are you?
Today I am here to tell you a secret. Never ask a widow “How are you?” And if you wonder the reason, let the sage of my anguish and grieving tell you why. A widow does not think in the same language as she once may have. Her self has taken leave and been replaced by a powerful being. A widow is suddenly a being of introspection. A widow is not busy and so the ways of the world do not distract her, nor will she care to describe them to you.
A widow is not given to tidying up the truth. A widow is the truth manifest.
I became very good at protecting all who would ask.
How are you?
I’m all right. I’m fine. I’m hanging in there. I’m feeling O.K. Thanks for asking. I’m good. I’m doing well. I’m a little tired. I’m handling things. I’m fine, thanks to all of you. I’m getting better. I’m keeping busy. I’m making progress.
Fine, better, well, good and “thank you for asking.”
If you have told these lies, which I am sure you have, over and over and over again, I know you.
And if you have heard these lies, and nodded with humble approval,
and felt set-free by the relief they have given you, I know you too.
Rest assured when you are tucking yourselves in at night,
that she is lying awake,
and you cannot hear her answers.
How are you?
I don’t know. I am numb. I am filled with terror. I am a shadow now. I am lost. I am aching. I am nothing. I am, at this moment, no longer your daughter, your mother, your sister, your friend. I am no longer a lover.
How are you?
Please step back, you are standing on my guts which have just spilled onto the floor at my feet.
How are you?
I’m terrible. I’m not doing well. I think I’m going crazy. I have no desires. I can’t see, hear, taste or touch. I have no feelings. I am torn apart. I can’t breathe. I am standing still while a tornado is ripping through my body tearing my blood vessels away from my organs.
How are you?
I am old. I am ugly. I am a monster inside a body that you once knew. I am exhausted.
How are you?
I am alone. I am afraid. I am filled with doubt. I am consumed by chaos. I am paralyzed.
I am humbled. I am repentant. I am living in a nightmare. Please shake me. Please wake me. Please hold me.
How are you?
I see you have two heads. I wish you really cared.
If I tell you, will you run?
How do you think I am? Please, take a crack at it.
You tell me how I am.
Can you believe you just ran into me? If only you had gone to the other market.
If I tell you, what will you say? Will it be sympathetic? Will it be appropriate? Will it make it better?
Here come those slings and arrows.
I know how you feel. I hope you’re keeping busy. You look good. You will see the gift in this tragedy. Time will heal. The holidays will be tough. It will get easier. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well. You’re a strong person. Have you gone away at all? How are the kids? How’s his mother doing? Call me if you need anything, anything at all.
How are you?
I’m shattered, thanks, how are you?
I walk aimlessly through the rooms of my house, what have you been up to?
I have woken up in the middle of the last 240 nights in a heart pounding sweat, what’s new with you?
I sometimes wish I would never wake up, have you been on vacation this year? I ache for the arms of my sweetheart to hold me tight, how’s your family?
I feel barren and useless and creepy and mundane, seen any good movies lately?
I’m terrified that I’ll feel this way forever, I like that sweater you’re wearing. I keep seeing his body on the hospital gurney, don’t you love this weather.
My broken heart is in my throat, let’s do lunch.
I’m so completely and utterly tired of being sad, thanks,
how are YOU ?
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